i just wrote an entire entry about how i really feel and i can't even post it.

god dammit.

The has been so strong that it's been shaking the entire house, it's scarier than usual because I live in an attic.

I pretty much lost my job at Lush, they said I don't have any hours this week. I think it's kind of shitty to do that to someone who has worked so hard to be there, I had planned on staying since they said they were making me in to a keyholder. I'm trying to not get too upset but I really need money right now, I am supposed to be moving out the beginning of February. I don't have anyone I can just borrow money from either. Craigslist, here I come. Maybe I'll go to the Marysville stores and see what they have there.

My friend Bryan died today of cancer, I met him in Sacramento 2 years ago before Catherine got big.

I just don't know anymore, everything always happens so fast, it feels like the Universe just sped up by a million.





As I always say, life is a fleeting moment.

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while.

We practically got a blizzard, I've had to drive to work every day the last week in a foot of snow. I've almost died several times and we're expecting another snowstorm tonight.

My grandpa had Aneurysm yesterday and hemmoraging in the brain, he's been in the hospital having surgery and running tests. He's on a breathing machine but he can respond to people talking. My aunt and I have been up all night, but I can't go see her because of how terrible the roads are. Not to mention say goodbye to my grandfather who lives in California.

Happy fucking holidays everyone.

I don't know if it's a shift of consciousness or simply my own perspective,

but things do not seem the same any longer.


Two halves of myself are wrestling with the thought
that life is a simple thought,
a moment that is fleeting without remorse.


While people around me, normally adorned with fixed sadness in their faces,
now flash genuine smiles my way,
each look locks within my eyesight reflecting that we can truly connect without words,
that we are One.


my world is evolving from what were everyday miracles,
now every day acts of kindness,
the kind of goodness I had always hoped for,
but never expected.


I lift my gratitude to what was the most painful and difficult year of my life,
for teaching me how to trust the Universe completely,
for all that was and will continue to be provided to me.

Friendship, kindness, gratitude, and unconditional love.

For all the poetry, music, and tears.


Thank you.

"If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear as it is - infinite."

- William Blake

Because I love Tender Forever so much

Love me two times, babe.

My head is full of dandelions, a little girl inside blows on each stem making wishes, as many as her own heart would allow. The seeds float off in the wind, quietly, dancing to a song I will never understand.

i have the summertime blues.

everyone seems to be finding someone else.

i've got my guitar, that's what counts.

don't know if i want to be here anymore

i love the silence in the mornings.